“My Partner is Always Fixing Their Family’s Problems: There’s No Time Left for Us”

When I first met Alex, I was drawn to their kindness and willingness to help others. It was one of the qualities that made me fall in love. But now, three years into our marriage, that same quality is driving a wedge between us. Alex’s family seems to have an endless list of problems, and Alex is always the one to solve them.

It started with small things. Alex’s sister needed help moving into her new apartment, and Alex spent the entire weekend helping her pack and unpack. Then, their mother had car trouble, and Alex spent hours on the phone with mechanics and insurance companies. At first, I admired Alex’s dedication to their family. But as time went on, it became clear that this wasn’t just a phase.

Every week, it seems like there’s a new crisis. Alex’s brother lost his job and needed help updating his resume and applying for new positions. Their father had health issues that required frequent trips to the doctor, and Alex was always the one to take him. Even their cousins, who live out of state, call Alex for advice on everything from financial troubles to relationship issues.

I’ve tried to be understanding. Family is important, and I know Alex feels a strong sense of responsibility towards theirs. But it’s reached a point where our relationship is suffering. We rarely have time for ourselves anymore. Date nights are canceled because someone in the family needs help. Weekend getaways are postponed because there’s always another emergency.

I’ve talked to Alex about how I feel. I’ve explained that I need more time with them, that our relationship should be a priority too. Alex always listens and promises to make more time for us, but nothing ever changes. The next time the phone rings with a family member in need, Alex is out the door.

It’s not just the time that’s the issue; it’s the emotional toll it takes on both of us. Alex is constantly stressed and exhausted from trying to solve everyone else’s problems. And I’m left feeling neglected and resentful. I’ve started to dread the sound of Alex’s phone ringing because I know it means another evening or weekend lost.

I’ve even suggested that Alex set some boundaries with their family, but they insist that they can’t turn their back on them. “They need me,” Alex says, as if our relationship doesn’t need attention too.

I’ve tried to be patient, but my patience is wearing thin. I miss the days when we could spend time together without interruptions. I miss feeling like a priority in Alex’s life. And I’m starting to wonder if things will ever change.

I’ve confided in friends about the situation, and they all say the same thing: “You need to put your foot down.” But it’s not that simple. I love Alex, and I know they love me too. But love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship when one person is always absent, physically or emotionally.

As much as it pains me to admit it, I’m beginning to think about what my life would be like without Alex. It’s not a decision I want to make, but I can’t keep living like this. I deserve a partner who is present and engaged in our relationship.

For now, I’m taking things one day at a time. I’m hoping that Alex will realize how much this is affecting us and make some changes. But if things don’t improve soon, I may have to make some difficult decisions about our future.