“My Husband and I Haven’t Spoken to His Father in Nearly Two Years: A Tale of Misogyny and Control”

For nearly two years, my husband Mark and I have had no contact with his father, Richard. This estrangement has been both a relief and a source of tension in our marriage. Richard is a man who prides himself on his traditional values, but to me, he represents everything wrong with outdated gender roles and toxic masculinity.

From the moment I met Richard, I knew he would be a problem. He greeted me with a condescending smile and a comment about how “nice it is to see a woman who knows her place.” I was taken aback but tried to brush it off for Mark’s sake. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of a long and painful journey.

Richard’s views on women are archaic. He believes that a woman’s primary role is to cook, clean, and bear children. He often made snide remarks about my career, suggesting that I was neglecting my “duties” as a wife. Mark would try to defend me, but Richard would dismiss him, calling him a “pantywaist” for not keeping me in line.

The final straw came during a family dinner nearly two years ago. Richard had been drinking and was more belligerent than usual. He started ranting about how women were ruining society by trying to be equal to men. I couldn’t stay silent any longer. I told him that his views were not only outdated but harmful. This led to a heated argument where Richard called me every derogatory name in the book and accused me of turning his son against him.

Mark tried to mediate, but Richard wouldn’t listen. He told Mark that he was no longer welcome in his home as long as he was married to me. Mark was devastated, but I felt a strange sense of relief. I thought that maybe now Mark would see his father for who he really was.

However, things didn’t go as I had hoped. While we stopped visiting Richard, Mark continued to struggle with the estrangement. He missed his father and often talked about trying to mend their relationship. I tried to be supportive, but it was hard to watch him grapple with the reality of who his father was.

Mark started going to therapy to deal with his feelings, but it seemed to make things worse. The therapist encouraged him to set boundaries with his father, which only made Mark feel more conflicted. He wanted to be a good son, but he also wanted to support me.

The tension between us grew. We started arguing more frequently, often about things that had nothing to do with Richard but were clearly influenced by the stress of the situation. I felt like I was losing my husband to the ghost of his father’s approval.

One night, after another argument about whether or not to invite Richard to our upcoming anniversary party, Mark broke down. He confessed that he felt torn between his love for me and his need for his father’s approval. He didn’t know how to reconcile the two.

I realized then that this wasn’t something that could be easily fixed. Richard’s influence was too deeply ingrained in Mark’s psyche. I suggested that we take some time apart to figure things out. Mark reluctantly agreed.

We are currently separated, trying to navigate this complicated situation. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know that Richard’s toxic beliefs have caused irreparable damage to our marriage. It’s a painful reminder that sometimes, love isn’t enough to overcome deeply rooted issues.