“How to Tell Your Daughter-in-Law She’s a Mother, Not a Little Girl Anymore”

How to Tell Your Daughter-in-Law She’s a Mother, Not a Little Girl Anymore

From the very first meeting, it was clear to me that Victoria wasn’t prepared for the realities of married life. At 23, age wasn’t the issue—it was her apparent lack of responsibility that troubled me. But my son, Kyle, seemed oblivious to these concerns.

Kyle had always been the kind of person who looked for the good in everyone. Perhaps that’s why he fell so hard for Victoria. She was vibrant and charismatic, with a lively presence that could light up any room. However, beneath her sparkling exterior, there seemed to be a profound immaturity, an unwillingness to step into the role of a wife and, potentially, a mother.

The day he brought her over to introduce her to us, I had prepared a small family gathering to make her feel welcomed. But from the moment she arrived, Victoria seemed disinterested. Her eyes were almost constantly on her phone, scrolling through social media feeds, barely looking up even when spoken to directly.

I tried to engage her in conversation about her plans for the future, hoping to glean some sense of her readiness to start a family. Each question was met with vague responses or deflections back to trivial topics, like the latest celebrity gossip or fashion trends.

As dinner progressed, my husband, Bruce, attempted to discuss more serious subjects, such as their financial plans and thoughts on parenting. Victoria laughed these off, assuring us that everything would “sort itself out.” Kyle nodded along, seemingly satisfied with her answers, or perhaps just unwilling to confront the deeper issues.

Months passed, and the situation didn’t improve. Victoria’s visits were marked by the same lack of engagement. When she announced her pregnancy, a part of me hoped it would be the wake-up call she needed. But as her due date approached, her behavior remained unchanged.

The day the baby arrived, Kyle was overjoyed. He brought little Anna home, his eyes shining with pride and love. Victoria, however, seemed overwhelmed, her usual vivacity dimmed by the demands of motherhood. She continued to spend hours on her phone, now often in tears, frustrated by Anna’s cries.

I watched as Kyle took on most of the baby’s care. He was a natural father, patient and gentle, but the strain of handling both the baby and supporting Victoria was wearing on him.

One evening, as I helped Kyle with Anna, I decided it was time to have a heart-to-heart with Victoria. I found her in the living room, her eyes red from crying.

“Victoria, being a parent is about more than just bearing a child. It’s about nurturing, giving, and sometimes sacrificing your own comforts,” I said gently.

She looked up, her face a mix of confusion and exhaustion. “I just don’t know if I can do this, Nora,” she admitted.

“It’s not too late to learn, to grow into the mother Anna needs,” I encouraged. But deep down, I feared the realization had come too late.

Victoria nodded, wiping her tears, but the subsequent weeks showed no change. The responsibility of motherhood weighed heavily on her, and her reliance on Kyle only deepened.

As months turned into a year, the gap between Kyle and Victoria widened. Despite his best efforts, the burden of balancing his roles as a husband, father, and now almost sole caretaker of their child, grew too heavy. The last I heard, they were contemplating separation.

It pained me to see my son so heartbroken, his dream of a happy family shattered by the harsh realities that not everyone is ready to face the demands of parenthood.